How to Keep Track of Family Birthdays

You don't need the whole family tree on day one. Start with the people you'd feel worst about missing:

• •Mom's and Dad's birthdays, and their wedding anniversary.
• •Your partner's parents' birthdays.
• •Brothers and sisters, and their partners.
• •Grandparents.
• •Nieces, nephews and godchildren.

Add the rest as you learn them. For friends, whose dates nobody in the family keeps, see how to keep track of friends' birthdays.

The dates are usually scattered: your phone's contacts, a family group chat, an old address book, Facebook. (If the family talks in a WhatsApp group, see birthday reminders for WhatsApp for keeping the group's dates.) The quickest way to fill the gaps is to ask the person who already remembers. One message does it: "Could you send me everyone's birthdays? I'd like to keep track of them myself." Most parents are glad to. Ask for the anniversaries in the same message. (More words for asking: how to ask someone for their birthday.)

For the birthdays you only see on Facebook, see how to remember birthdays without Facebook. If someone already keeps the family's dates in a spreadsheet, you can use it as it is: see birthday reminders from a spreadsheet.

Match the reminder to what you'll do:

• •Two weeks before: a gift that needs to ship, or a visit that needs planning.
• •A week before: a card by post, for grandparents and anyone who keeps cards. See when to mail a birthday card.
• •The day before: a call or a message. Write it then, and you can schedule the text to go out on the day.

For your parents, two reminders are worth it: one a week ahead for a card or a plan, one the day before to call.

• •Your phone's calendar: add each birthday as a yearly event with an alert. Free, and already in your pocket. Step by step: on iPhone or on Android.
• •A shared family calendar: everyone can add dates, and nobody carries the whole list alone.
• •A paper list on the fridge: old-fashioned, and it works if you look at it every week.

The method matters less than having one place, and making sure it actually reminds you.

If you'd like the reminder to arrive with the words ready, Greetigo is one option. Save each person's birthday, and Greetigo emails you before it (the day before by default, or on the day, or 1, 3, 7 or 14 days before) with a message already written. You review it, then send it, or copy it into a text or a card. It works in any browser and as a Mac app.

What it doesn't do: each account belongs to one person, so it isn't a shared family calendar. There's no phone app and no text-message reminders; reminders come by email. Free holds up to 10 saved dates and Premium has no limit, which helps if your family list is long. You can add dates by hand, paste a list, or import a contacts (.vcf), CSV or calendar (.ics) file.

Say something today; it matters more than the perfect words. There are guides for Mom or Dad, a sister or brother, Grandma or Grandpa and anyone else. For on-time messages: birthday wishes for Mom and birthday wishes for Dad.