How to Ask Someone for Their Birthday
Asking for a birthday can feel awkward, especially when you think you should already know it. It rarely is. Here are words that work, what to do when you've forgotten, and where to look before you ask.
The short answer
Just ask, and give a reason: "I'm putting birthdays in my calendar so I stop missing them. When's yours?" It comes across as caring, because it says you want to remember. If you feel you should already know it, say so lightly, or ask someone close to them. Once you have the date, save it somewhere that reminds you every year, so you never have to ask again.
Words that work
Short, with a reason, is best. Some to borrow:
- A friend: "I'm finally putting everyone's birthday in my calendar. When's yours?"
- A coworker: "We like to mark birthdays on the team. Would you like yours on the list? Day and month is plenty."
- A new partner: "When's your birthday? I want to be ready for it."
- A partner's parents: ask your partner first. If you ask them directly: "I'd love to send you a card on your birthday. When is it?"
- A whole group: "I'm making a list of everyone's birthdays so we don't miss any. Send me yours, day and month is fine." Some people would rather not share theirs with the group, so offer a private message too.
You don't need the year. A reminder only needs the day and month, and some people would rather not say how old they are.
When you should already know it
It happens: a close friend, an in-law, someone you've known for years. Be honest and keep it light:
- "This is embarrassing, but I want to get it right: when's your birthday again? I'm saving it properly this time."
- Or ask someone close to them, like a partner, a sibling, a parent or a mutual friend: "When's Sam's birthday? I want to save it."
If you've just missed it, say so today, then save it for next year: see what to say when you forgot a birthday.
Where to look before you ask
- Your phone's contacts: a birthday may already be on their card.
- Facebook: From your Facebook Feed, select Friends in the left menu, then Birthdays. It only shows friends who share their birthday with you.
- Your messages: search your chat with them for "happy birthday". The day someone wrote it last year is probably the date.
- Old cards and invitations: a party invitation or a card you kept may have the date on it.
Instagram won't help: its help center says the birthday on an account isn't shared with other people on Instagram. On Snapchat, a friend who has turned on Birthday Party may show the date on their profile.
Finding out without asking them
For a surprise, ask someone close to them, such as a partner, a parent or a best friend, and ask them to keep it quiet. We don't suggest people-search websites: a birthday someone hasn't shared with you is theirs to share, and the person, or someone who knows them well, is the source you can trust.
Save it so you never ask twice
Save it the moment you have it, before the conversation moves on: on their contact card, as a yearly event in your calendar, or in a reminder service. On your phone: iPhone or Android. For keeping many at once, see how to keep track of friends' birthdays and family birthdays.
A reminder the day before, with the message ready
Greetigo is one option. Save the birthday once and it repeats every year. Greetigo emails you in the morning, your time: the day before by default, or on the day, or 1, 3, 7 or 14 days before, and you can pick more than one.
Each reminder comes with a message already written: a free template with their name, or on Plus and Premium the AI-written draft you saved for that date. You review it, then send it from Greetigo or copy it into a text or a card. Nothing is sent until you click Send.
It's free for up to 10 saved dates. It works in any browser, including your phone's. There's no iPhone or Android app, and reminders come by email.